Undesired

There is no worse feeling than just not being enough. 

Resolution

I like to think I have WAY more control over my life than I think and I'm trying to find ways to harness that, when in reality, I really know I don't.  I have very limited control and my problem lies in not trying to gain as much control as I can, but in finding a way to let life happen and to be happy with whatever the outcome is.  Maybe I don't need to be overjoyed, simplly happy.  So much time spent thinking about worst case scenarios has left me forgetting how to be positive and happy in the present and I know I can do that because I remember being that way before.  No more wasting time.  I could die tomorrow then I would be really pissed off that I spent so much of my time worrying.  Happiness is out there, on my front porch, probably smelling the fabric softener blowing out of the dryer vent by the front door.  I really should invite it in.