Time

I've been away from my computer a while, kind of a nice break.  I've certainly had my ups and downs these past few weeks, but I've noticed that a lot of it has to do with how I'm spending my time.  We took the kids to an amusement park the other day, just the family, no aunts, grandparents, cousins, or anyone.  Just us.  It was a blast.  We stayed all day, walked around like a normal family riding roller coasters and laughing, eating junk food and not caring.  It was the first totally normal day we have had in a very long time.  We stopped off on the drive home for burgers and shakes, something I would normally cringe at, but I was just enjoying how happy everyone was, I would have given them heroin if that was what they were asking for. 
So, the next day we did a lot of driving and started off the day with a misunderstanding which led to us being pouty and quiet.  I had the whole day to think and boy, those thoughts are never good.  They only led to more angry thoughts and plans on what I was going to do once we started talking again.  After everything was cleared up, I realized I had wasted a whole day with negative thoughts and feelings.  Totally wasted.  Idle time is definately NOT my friend.   I see now that the best thing for me right now is to keep busy.  Why not?  I certainly have enough to do, its just that I stopped doing things once this all started.  I stopped working, which sucks because now I see that you don't get PAID when you don't work, huh, funny that.  I stopped caring for my kids so much, stopped making them lunch, they now scrounge around for snacks during the day and hopefully I find the energy to get dinner on, mostly not though.  I stopped spending time with my family like I used to, stopped talking to my mom, and stopped doing a lot of things that kept me busy and fulfilled.  I think I'm just coming out of it, forced out really by some previous obligations, but I shouldn't complain, something had to happen.  I may have been in a little depression there, but now I'm beginning to at least acknowlege it and hopefully it won't get any worse if I just keep myself busy.  Like I said, I have plenty to keep me occupied, I just need to start DOING it again.  I ran errands all day today with the kids and have been pleasantly distracted all day.  This has been like an illness, incapacitating in the beginning, but I'm slowly regaining my strenght and figuring out what I need to be doing to keep it going.  I don't doubt there will be more sleepless nights in my future, more puffy eyes and sinus headaches, but if I can figure out how to keep it to a minimum I will be grateful.   I want to be able to see beyond this. And maybe, if there is any good that is to come of this, I will begin to see that too.